A particular sort of life experience

Okay, so for those of you who don't know me, I am highly attracted to older men.  Like, seriously.  It's strange and off-kilter but it never really bothered me all that much.

But I have a surprise for all of you.

The guy that I am crushing on right now (Can a twenty year old 'crush' on someone?) is a year younger than me.  Right.  I know.  (And no, he is not cute guy in my math class who looks like Aaron Eckhart.)  Let me give you a little time to digest that for a moment.

Okay.  Are you good?

Let's get on with it then.  Anyways, I went to the homecoming game which was last Wednesday (homecoming game being basketball, not football) on some whim.  Thank you intuition.  And a lot of the players are in my criminal justice classes because the coach is friends with my professor and tells his players to take the classes because they're easy.  And they are.  But that's beside the point.

And I recognized this guy from my class, and there was this immediate attraction to him.  When he played, I could not take my eyes off of him.  He was like this bright, burning flame and I was this moth, hopeless from the moment that my eyes caught sight of him. 

Now, I'm a complete wreck.  In the best sort of way.  You know how when you're in middle school and you have a crush on the jock while you're the shy artistic nerd and he suddenly becomes the sun to your earth - you completely revolve around him?  Yeah, that's me but at a college level.  I mean, time goes fast when he's around and slow when he's not, but he's not my entire life.  He's more like the moon to my earth.  I think about him a lot, but only at certain points in time because I have a life besides him, and my life doesn't feel over when he's not there because I know I'll see him eventually.

I have no idea if he even knows I'm alive.  I mean, I think he's glanced over at me a couple of times, but I can't exactly tell at a basketball game.  And I would talk to him except he sits on the right side of the room in class while I'm in the middle.  Hell, I don't even know if he even knows my name.

But since I've matured (shocking but true), I've learned that I need to live in the now, and who knows if anything will happen between us?  But it makes me feel good while I'm here so I had better enjoy it.  It's been nearly two years since my last relationship, and I'm at the point where I do want a new, fresh, healthy relationship.  If it lasts a day or a year, it doesn't matter.  I just want to fall for a little while.

And though I'm keeping my options open, I'm hoping it will be with this guy just because it'll be new, different, and exciting.

And one hell of a life experience.