Johnny Depp is not dead

I hate internet death rumors, but I haven't really been affected by them.

Up until this one, where apparently Johnny Depp died instantly in a car crash in Bordeaux, France, and the crash was induced by alcohol.

I wouldn't let myself believe it until I did some research, and of course, the whole thing is bullshit.

I don't understand why people do what they do, nor do I understand why people need attention by saying a beloved celebrity has died.  Especially my beloved celebrity.  If they hurt him, they hurt me too, and that's that.

I really don't even want to think about what would happen if he really had passed.  I can't.  So I won't.  But I know when he does, he'll be immortal because that's just the way he is.  And if anything, he'll live forever in my poems, my stories, my essays, my clothes, my movies, my posters, my journal, and most importantly, my heart.  Because I won't let him die.

A connection of sorts

Today is the second anniversay of Heath Ledger's passing.

Last year, I wrote a song about him, one that I'm really proud of.  This year, I'm hoping to see The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, his last work (and the fact that Johnny Depp is also in it is just icing on the cake).

When Heath was alive, I thought he was incredibly talented, but I honestly felt indifferent about him.  I loved him in 10 Things I Hate About You and A Knight's Tale, but Johnny Depp has always been my number one.  But I have to admit that instead of being the typical pretty boy actor, he did quirky things.  In fact, he wanted to have Johnny Depp's career - he wanted to choose things, not based on how much money it would make, but because of a script.

The day he died, I was in the car with my ex-boyfriend and his mom, and they were taking me home.  We were listening to KIIS FM, and when the announcement was made, I didn't believe it.  I couldn't.  When I got home, I immediately went on Perez Hilton and there, in black and white, was the truth.  He had died.

The first thing I did was call my best friend Jessie.  We weren't really talking then, due to said ex-boyfriend, but that didn't matter to me.  When we were in middle school, we divided our men, as we called them.  I had Johnny Depp and Billy Boyd while she had Orlando Bloom and Heath Ledger.  In a way, we bonded over Heath Ledger, and through his death, we eventually managed to save our friendship and become best friends once more.

Then there was The Dark Knight.  I, like everyone else, saw it for Heath Ledger's portrayal of The Joker.  It was, by far, his best performance.  I don't believe that the role killed him at all.  And I believe  he truly deserved his Oscar, his Golden Globe, and every other award he won postmortem.  I don't care that he died when he won.  He deserved them.  He was already getting Oscar talk BEFORE he died.  Just because he died shouldn't change anything.

I'm not sure how to explain how I feel about him because I never met him, I wasn't crazy about him when he was alive, and truly, I'm no one special.  But I feel this connection to him now that he isn't there.  I talk to him sometimes, and I like to think that somehow, he listens.  I'm not sure why I feel this strongly about someone in death rather than life, but I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Currently, I have pictures of him hanging in my room.  He's smiling in all of them - you know, that boyish, disarming smile - and it's bittersweet for me to look at them.  But it always makes me smile.  Actually, he always makes me smile. 

It's definitely weird, being connected to someone I don't even know.  But we're all connected in some way, aren't we, more so than with others?

And connections, especially strong ones, are always muses in disguise.  Why do you think I'm constantly writing about Johnny Depp?

But this day belongs to Heath, and to commemorate him, here is a part of the song I wrote for him last year.  It might not mean a lot, but it does so for me.

Heath likes to caress my face

With a delicate feather from his wings
And I try so hard to stay awake
Because I don’t want him to leave just yet
He whispers promises in my ear
And it sounds just like a bittersweet lullaby
He wipes the tears from my eyes
And disappears with the night

Dear Cute Guy who sits two rows in front of me in my math class and looks like Aaron Eckhart except with a squared face

Hi.

So you probably don't know me - actually, you don't know me.  At all.  I'm not even sure you know I exist except I think you were looking at me once.  But I can't be certain.

But my heart jumps a little bit whenever you walk into class and my eyes stray over to you as the teacher starts talking about sets and subsets and everything that I can't remember off the top of my head. 

I'm sorry.  Sometimes, I ramble a bit.  Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that I haven't felt this way in a while.  Not that I'm in love with you or even like you in that way.  But you make me nervous, and being nervous around a cute boy is always welcome.  It makes me feel silly and I really like feeling silly.

So thank you.

--Heather (The blonde girl with freckles.)

P.S. -  If you could just acknowledge my presence in any way, it would make my day.

There's just something about Robert Downey, Jr.

When I was a kid and Ally McBeal was still a show that my parents were enthused about watching, I remember catching the previews for it on my favorite television network, Fox.  And to this day, I remember seeing Robert Downey, Jr. as some lawyer who I can't remember.  But even at ten years old, I knew there was something special about him.  I can't explain why or how or anything like that, but I knew I was drawn to him.

Then, a few years after that, me and my now ex-boyfriend went to see Zodiac, and there he was again.  Though Robert's (I may call him Robert?) part wasn't big, it didn't matter.  He still had his easy charm and confident swagger that caused him to steal every scene he was in.

When I had first encountered Robert, I was too young to comprehend all the scandal and problems he was going through.  After watching Zodiac, I knew more about it and felt that he was truly coming to his own, that no matter how many times he came back in this entertainment world, he would somehow succeed.  I try to rtationalize why, at my age and with my uninformed mind, I believed in him.  He would get clean and be okay and then he wouldn't.  It was like a bad cycle that seemed endless.  But me trying to think logically about faith would be like trying to define love.  It's not quite possible.  All I knew at the time was that somehow, he was going to succeed, and I would be one of the many people behind him, not the first in line but definitely not the last, waiting for that day.

That day finally came when Iron Man opened with Robert as the star.  He was a super-hero; an arrogant, intelligent, and very attractive super-hero.  The ultimate deadly weapon and an exaggerated version of the actor himself.  The cast, the script, the effects, and Mr. Jon Favreau as director were all superb.  There wasn't just one person who made the movie.  But I went because of Robert (and because my brother wanted to see it).  That was Robert's comeback, and since then, he's been on fire.

His beautiful wife is probably the biggest reason he's stayed on the straight and narrow, along with his beloved son.  (This, of course, is all conjecture on my part, so please don't quote me.)  But above all else, Robert had to want it.  He had to want to be clean, better, focused.

And we are so lucky he wanted it badly enough.

Last night, Robert won a Golden Globe for his portrayal of Sherlock Holmes even though the safe choice would have been Daniel Day-Lewis in Nine.  Both phenominal actors nominated with other amazing actors.  But Robert has never been the safe choice which is probably why I bet on him in the first place.

What can I say?  He hasn't let me down yet.

Hot Tub Time Machine

Check out that title to this post.  That, my friends, is a real movie.  And guess who's going to be the first in line to see it?  (And no, I'm not kidding about any of this, by the way.)

Now, I must say that I am a proud, independent woman who thinks for herself and does what she wants to.  But when an actor goes on The Soup to promote an independent movie that also happens to star John Cusack, then I have no problem doing exactly what they tell me to do or see whatever movie they tell me to see.  Even if that movie is called Hot Tub Time Machine.

I think maybe the biggest reason I'm excited to see this movie is because I'll actually get see John Cusack in a film where he's not cynical about something.  Like in 2012, but funny.  Don't get me wrong.  John is perfect at doing the cynical thing, but I can't wait for him to make me laugh.  Intentionally.

Plus, the cast itself is great.  I have loved Rob Corddry since The Daily Show and he stole every single scene in What Happens in Vegas (Why else would you see that movie?) because of his dry wit.  I swear, The Hangover was hilarious, but if Rob was in it?  It would be even funnier.

And let's not forget Chevy Chase!  He went on The Soup to promote the movie, and if it wasn't for him, I probably wouldn't have found out about this diamond in the rough.

So excuse me if I'm as excited for this movie as I am for Iron Man 2 (but not as excited as I am for Alice in Wonderland).  Maybe if you saw the trailer, you would be excited too.

Trailer  <--- Oh!  And look!  There it is! 

Check it out.

I know it might seem silly, and you cynical John Cusack impersonators might even say it's stupid.  But luckily for me, I don't listen to people (unless they have a nice face, are decidedly older than me and of the opposite sex, and have acting and/or singing talent) because I really am a strong, independent woman.

So go see this movie, out March 19!  It would be stupid not to.

The Last Moments of Freedom

As the clock ticks away the minutes of my freedom due to school starting tomorrow, I can't help but recollect this past winter break.  Currently, my brother and I are watching a documentary of The Simpsons because it's turned 20 (I'm, like, two months older, by the way) and we are laughing and reminiscing because that's what we do.

But when it comes to winter break, I would have to say that this is probably the best one I've ever experienced.  I mean, don't get me wrong.  It started out really rough.  We couldn't go anywhere because we didn't want to waste gas, we were living off of Top Ramen, and we didn't have a Christmas on Christmas.

However, we went to see our father up in Michigan, and we got to play in the snow.  Like, real snow.  But there was a heater in the house, so it balanced out.  You know it's cold when you breathe and you see your breath, but when you inhale, you choke on that previous breath.  Oh, and Dad hid our Christmas present in the snow and gave us treasure maps to find it complete with helpful stick figures.  Our presents were hundred dollar bills.  Yeah, my father is...  Well, I'll let you fill in the adjective.  My preference is unique.

When we came home (thankfully with no delays concerning airports - you never know with Atlanta), money was still crazy tight, but we had sunshine. 

And then, a miracle happened.  We got some money - not a lot - and had a real Christmas.  (A real Christmas that involved a palm tree as a Christmas tress and no unwrapping gifts unless Amazon boxes count.)  And being somewhat spoiled, I got what I asked for.

For New Years, we kept it on the lowdown.  Mom was falling asleep in her chair while me and Patrick watched Jennifer Lopez attempt a comeback in a gold catsuit with Ryan Seacrest and Dick Clark.  The ball dropped, and the first thought that popped in my head was happiness and family - the most important thing in my life.  Followed, of course, by Johnny Depp.

Oh, and then we went to Disneyland.  TWICE.  Can you believe it?  Of course, I experienced my fair share of irony there (I've been walking into this park since I was kid, every time seeing that Mad Hatter hat.  The one day I actually attempt to buy it, they decide they're not selling it anymore.  It's okay.  I ordered one online, but still.); I always seem to.  But both times were amazing, and luckily, I did everything I needed to do there.  The fireworks brought tears to my eyes, but that was to be expected, and I zonked once my head hit the pillow.  That's how you know you've had a good day - how tired you are once it's come to a close.

I've been letting my inner Pussycat Doll out with their workout tape and dancing.  I've been a pirate more than a number of times.  I've been playing with my dogs.  I've been listening to Frank Garrett with my brother.  I've been shopping with my mother.  I've been playing in the snow with my father.  I've been writing my stories.  And I've been smiling, even during the tough times.

And you know what?  I'm pretty tired.

Mind, Body, and Soul: 8 2010 Resolutions

For whatever reason, I have this feeling that 2010 is going to be nothing short of extraordinary - even life-changing - for myself.  Because, numerologically speaking, it is my 8 year, I have made up eight New Year's Resolutions for this year that will benefit my mind, my body, and my spirit.

1)  Read all of Jane Austen's work, as well as the complete collection of Sherlock Holmes.
I have read Pride and Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility, and finished Emma today so I have four more stories to go where Miss Austen is concerned, and have started A Study in Scarlet with Mr. Holmes.

2)  Work-out - in some way - twice a week.
Not to lose weight, but to tone up.  Plus, exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy, and happy people don't shoot their husbands.  They just don't.

3)  Maintain my 4.0 GPA.
Kind of self-explanatory...

4)  Finish the five stories I have finished/planned.
If I can write 14 in a year, 5 is no big deal.

5)  Write and send in 1 10,000 - 15,000 word story.
Just for the experience, just to be able to say that I can.  And who knows what'll happen once I take a chance? 

6)  Write poems so my total is 300.
I think this won't be too bad.  I love writing poetry, and 89 won't be too many compared to last year's resolution.

7)  Every night, before going to bed, think about absolutely nothing.
Because I am a being that thinks about things all the time.  This will humble and relax myself, and maybe my being will be more content and calm with life.

8)  Really trust my intuition.
Because it's always write, and it's a part of myself.  And it always works in my favor and wants to help me.  If not me, then who am I to trust?

Eight seems like a big number, but I think I'll be able to accomplish them because they're things that are good for me, and they're things that I want to do.  :)  So happy New Year's all.  And happy New Decade.  A new beginning, far from any sort of ending.