I've had one hell of a time these past few months.
In April, Goatboy and I decided that it would probably be best if we stopped seeing each other. Totally mutual and we said we'd still be friends. (You know, after we get over each other, because it's hard to care about your friend romantically.) At around the same time, my best friend in the world and I started growing apart. I don't know why but I promised that this year, I'd start standing up for myself. And perhaps that's one of the reasons she started to pull away and align herself with someone else.
It doesn't matter though.
I've always believed that the little things matter more than the big things. Whether it comes to guys or friends, sometimes it's best - no matter how hard it is - to let them go. Maybe the timing is wrong and you'll meet back up in the future where it'll be better to be friends or lovers (both?). Maybe this is the only time you'll encounter them but your life will never be the same because of them. Maybe you're the lesson they need to learn (I HATE that!).
Whatever they are to you, sometimes it's best to let them go.
And it's hard. Trust me. Breaking up with your boyfriend and best friend around the same time is one of the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. But I've learned that I will accept nothing less than what I deserve, whether from a guy or from friends. It's made me feel more mature, more adult (eek!), and I like myself. I'm proud of myself. I admire myself.
And that's how I know that it's the right thing.
What gets me through it are two different quotes: God never gives you more than you can handle and If you love something, set it free; if it comes back to you, it was meant to be and if it doesn't, it was never really yours in the first place.
And this has also made me appreciate those people that are practically permanent fixtures in my life: my mother, my brother, and my friend Mrs. Wolverine (because she's super in love with Hugh Jackman, but then again, who isn't?).
More than that, letting go of things - shedding my cocoon so to speak - makes me excited to start over. I start at a new school in late September. I'm going to Comic Con. My friend from Germany is coming to stay with me for a week. I'm going to Disneyland. I'm going to the fair. Hockey season starts.
But I have to get through these next couple of weeks.
It's going to be hard. Little things will remind me of both of them and then I'll miss them and wish they were still in my life. But if they wanted to be here, they'd find a way to be here. And if they don't, they're not worth it. And because I've realized personally how short life is, I know I should only interact with people who deserve to be in my life. Anything else is a waste of time.
Life shouldn't be about suffering. Yes, there will be pain and hardship. But it's about dancing in the rain. And everyone knows how much I love doing that. :)
And what I'm going through now will make me the beautiful butterfly I'm destined to be.
So bring on the pain and tears and suffering. I'm a strong girl - stronger than I give myself credit for. I'll survive. I always do.