Introducing Me to Myself

So here's the deal - in the nearly twenty-one years of my life - I'm starting to get a grasp of who I am as a person.  I've learned this predominantly the hard way because I'm THAT girl who understands things but doesn't actually get it until it happens to her.  I'm not there yet - I may never fully know who I am in my entire being - but I'm on the road.

First and foremost, I'm a very impatient person.  This has gotten better, due in large part to my friends and family and even because of Goat, but I'm definitely not cured or anything.  And that's a good thing.  I'm the type of girl who gets tired of the games after a couple of encounters, eff it all, and will just ask a guy out.  If he says no, then I can move on.  If he says yes, then I'm glad I don't have to waste any more time waiting around for him.

Speaking of which, I don't like to waste my time.  If you're into me, then you're into me, and if you're not, please don't lead me on or feel obligated to go out with me just because you feel sorry for me.  I can't make you like me and I understand that.  Don't flatter yourself - I'll get over you.

I don't want to be conceited or anything, but I'm a nice person.  Like a really nice person in relationships/dating/whatever.  Not just with guys but with friends and family too.  If I care about you, I want to make you happy.  I realize that there are three responses to this - 1) I seem naive and easy to take advantage of.  2)  You feel bad about yourself so my surprises make you uncomfortable and you can't deal with that.  3)  It doesn't bother you.  I've been taken advantage of and I realize there's a risk that it can happen again or that a guy may feel threatened or even lose interest because of my sweetness because being nice isn't exactly sexy.  But I know that there's a guy out there for me who will accept me for that and even appreciate it.  So I'm going to take a chance and be nice, whether it's going on a surprise adventure to check out some wildlife or taking you to a hockey game.  I've found my inner-peace that I'm not going to regret it, no matter what happens.

I love Johnny Depp and Robert Downey Jr. and Eminem and (fill in name here).  As shallow as it sounds, these actors and musicians help shape who I am, and that's it.  End of story.

I get excited about random things.  Especially upcoming plans.

Which brings me to the fact that I really like to plan things.  I love organizing.  Every day, I make a new To-Do lists and I never leave my planner at home.

BUT I'm learning - thanks in large part to Goat - to live in the moment when it comes to relationships/dating.  Romance can't be planned.  And I've never felt happier than I am right now.

I love to dance.  In the car.  When I'm excited.  At the store.  In hip hop.  Pretty much in general.

I'm a really sweet person, but if you cross me or attack my friends and family, I will own you.

I'm not a fighter, but I promise I can cut you with my words.

I don't need grand gestures to prove someone is in love with me.  The little, everyday things mean way more.

I'm a very trusting person but if you break that trust, it's pretty much gone forever.  I say pretty much because I'm an optimist and want to believe there's good in everyone, which means that second, third, maybe even fourth chances will be given.  But break me - snap my resolve - and THEN it's gone forever.  Something inside of me will snap and I won't even be mad at you - I just won't care about you.

I will never have the perfect body and I will never, ever tan myself purposefully for a guy, or anybody for that matter.  Which means my skin color won't be even, but it will be mine.

I have my own quirky style and I love boots.

I will never date a guy who wears skinny jeans or Crocs or who drives a Hummer.

I believe in true love, but I'm not waiting around for it to happen to me.

I'm very independent and rarely ask for help.  But sometimes, I really need a shoulder to lean on and a comfortable silence because I haven't quite figured everything out yet and that can be overwhelming.

Sometimes I feel like it's me against the world, and that can get lonely.

I'll probably always be excitable and naive about certain things, but I'm open-minded enough to take in lessons life throws my way.

I notice things that not a lot of people notice and I remember a lot more than you would assume.  I don't know if it's because I'm a writer and am trained to notice quirky characteristics or if I notice because I care, but I do.

And most important I love myself.  I love who I am.  Don't get me wrong, there are days when I wish maybe my stomach was tighter or my hair wasn't as frizzy or did I really have to get a zit THERE?  But I like how I look and I like how I am as a person.  And it's just so easy to be myself - I don't have to pretend or feel obligated to be something you want me to be because I don't fit into what want.

That's all I have so far.  But I'm really looking forward to figure more of me out.  It's like a crazy adventure only I'm allowed to go on.  Because no one else will get the inside jokes.  And to be honest, I really don't want them to.

I know that I'm left of center.  I know that I'm quirky.  I'm not asking you to like me.  But accept me for exactly who I am and don't expect me to change for you because you'll be disappointed.  Because I wouldn't want you to change for me.  Who am I to tell you to change?  I have family and friends who love me for me and who knows?  Maybe even you will be lucky enough to bask in my light.  I have enough to spare.