Sex, feelings, and the great chicken-egg debate

Let's talk about sex (baby!).  And feelings.  And the combination of the two.

Usually, feelings come between two people, and they express those feelings through the physical act of sex.  Other times, sex comes first as a physical result of desire.  Sometimes, emotional feelings come of the encounter; sometimes they don't.  Sometimes, things get complicated and relationships are formed without feelings because of a baby.

When I write about sex, I try to be both realistic and romantic.  Some of my heroines are virgins.  Some of them are not.

Devyn, in Battlefield, is a virgin.  Gerard, her breeding partner, is not.  Technically, copulation is against the rules unless controlled by the International Genealogy Laboratory.  When Gerard has sex, he may or may not develop those warm fuzzy feelings, but it certainly doesn't inspire commitment in him.  Devon, on the other hand, refuses to have sex until she gets some sort of commitment.  This is usually the basis of my stories.

However.

I think it's important to point out that relationships can stem from sex.  Women want to have sex to have sex while men want to wait until they're in love.  I try to portray this difference through Hugh and Rachel's relationship.  They slept together before they even knew they liked each other - which is what breeding partners are won't to do.  Now, though, they're crazy about each other.

Tradition is changing.  I think we, as writers, needs to change with it.  I, for one, am looking forward to non-traditional type stories.  And it doesn't need to be a lot, either.

A little's enough.

Alpha males

Alpha males are the only heroes I write in my stories. As a writer, they're fun to write. As a reader, they're fun to read. Why do we love them so much?

First, let's define what an alpha male is: tall, dark, strong, protective, a teensy bit jealous, physically capable, and attractive in a rough around the edges sort of way. There's also a vulnerable side to him he's kept hidden from the world until he meets that special girl...

I'm not going to discuss the psychology of the alpha male or why we females are biologically attracted to them. I'm going to discuss it from a writer's point of view.

Alpha males, like I said, are my only type of hero. My job as a writer is to ensure my hero doesn't turn into a cliche or sound exactly like my other hero in story b.

The other issue I have to worry about that gets swept under the rug: I need to worry about the line that comes with the alpha male territory - the one that divides healthy and unhealthy relationship.

There's a difference between dominating and controlling.

There's a difference between rough and abusive.

There's a difference between being blunt and being mean.

And a lot of times, these differences get swept under the rug. There needs to be a distinction between being an alpha and being abusive, and it's my job to make that clear.

Noir from my Dark Paradise trilogy is clearly abusive, and Keirah knows it. There's really know masking it. He doesn't say sorry or justify his actions. With him, it's black and white.

There are alphas in literature and movies that walk that line, and some even cross it. The issue is, are these men being regarded as sex symbols, as romantic symbols? If so, I have an issue with that. I don't want my readers to look at Noir and see a man worth falling in love with or a relationship to aspire to. His relationship with Keirah is completely unhealthy.

I want people to look up to Jack or Ollo. Those are the alpha I wouldn't mind being dominated by. 😉 

Name Changes

Last Wednesday, I changed my last name.

Well, I legally changed it in January but Wednesday I went in to update my license.  I've officially been a Cardona for a good few months now.

Changing my name doesn't feel any different.  But it means a lot more.  I have the same last name as his two boys - their mom doesn't even share that - and I have the same last name as my daughter.  We are a family.  A unit.

To my husband, it means I've accepted who he is and, not only that, want to be united to that.  He's never been married before and to him, it's an honor for him to bestow upon me - that I'm allowed to be part of his family.

The rings mean a lot - but the name... I'm Heather Cardona.  Wife.  Mother.  Author.

And I'm proud to be his wife.  I throw around the Mrs. title around a lot - and I can't wait to change my name on my accounts and at work.

I refuse to change the last name on my college diploma, however.  Just because I'm Heather Cardona now doesn't mean I always was.  I worked hard as Heather Myers and she's going to get all the credit for it.

It's why I won't change my name with my books.

But in life, in reality, I'm Heather Cardona.  I'm still Heather Myers, I've just united myself with someone who makes me a better me.

...and I really like the sound of that.

Ideas, or my personal Imagionationland

When I was running my writer's workshop last summer, I got a lot of questions asking where I get my ideas from.  A reasonable question, especially to a writer.

And the honest, 100% completely true answer?  I get them from everywhere.

For me, character usually comes first.  Plot tends to be either one of two things: a) what I wish would happen - a pirate suddenly falling into my bedroom, for example or b) a combination of books and/or movies and/or tv shows but done in the way I want to see it.

No.  I'm not lying.  I take similar concepts, combine them, and write them.  I wouldn't say I'm copying storylines, but I'll definitely admit to borrowing them.  With my own little twist.

Take, for example, one of my popular stories, Battlefield.  

I cannot count how many times a reviewer asked if I based the concept on The Hunger Games.  (This was way before they were huge and turned into movies.)  I can honestly say that no, I wasn't inspired by The Hunger Games at all.  Had never even heard of them.  In fact, the only reason I started reading them in the first place was because my reviewers recommended them to me.

What did I base it on, you might ask?  I took the concept of Gamer and the television series Dark Angel and merged them together.  And I'm proud of the result.

So if you're a writer and you're looking for ideas, don't force it.  Go read a good book or some fan fiction.  Watch TV.  Go to a movie.  Listen to music.  Daydream.  That's how I get my ideas.  And it may be where you get yours.

As always, good luck!

By the way, Battlefield has an official release date.  April 30.  Below is the official summary.

Devyn was not born; she was created, and for a very important purpose: she was born to die. 

Possibly.  

If she made it out of the Battlefield alive with her Unit composed of eight people just like her, she's promised the freedom she had only previously dreamed of.  But in order to do so, she must kill members of other rival Units fighting for the same thing. When you're raised to be a weapon, fighting - killing - is the only thing you know.  At least, that's what Gerard, her breeding partner, constantly tells her.  Just because they were, quite literally, made for each other didn't mean they had to like each other, but they definitely had to trust each other if they wanted to survive.

Want a free ARC?  Subscribe to my newsletter and I'll tell you how.  Send me an email at heather.myers@ymail.com with a subject of Battlefield ARC.

High school ideals

When I was in high school, I thought I was in love with my high school history teacher. I was 15 going on 16, my dad wasn't much involved in my life, and I didn't have a male influence in my life. Looking back, I realized that he was my ideal man, the type of guy I wanted to be with. Was I in love with him? No. But I definitely had a huge crush on him and to this day, I can't talk to him or contact him without getting nervous.

Usually, girls look to their fathers for that ideal man. They look at the relationship he has with their mother (or significant other) in order to base her values and definitions of respect, loving, trust and the like based on that relationship.

I had that with my grandfather up until I was 14 years old, when he passed. I lost a bit of myself when that happened, and I turned into a girl that needed vocation, a daughter who talked back and acted like a brat.

I dated the wrong guys but I was always fine on my own. I dated a controlling insecure mam's boy who had no ambition in high school. I dated a commitment-phobe tattooed vegan who lived on his own and barely paid for any dates - dates we rarely went on.

Lucky number three was my husband. God, the man frustrates me, infuriates me and drives me crazy. But he is my soul mate. He knows me better than anyone. And in 5 weeks, we are supposed to have our first child together - a girl.

I know, deep down, that regardless of what happens to me and my husband, my husband will be involved in my dayghter's life consistently. He's reliable, dependable and stable. I know I can count on him. As such, he'll be her ideal man. And though we both have fiery tempers, we respect each other. We annoy each other and argue and love each other and laugh at each other and compete with each other and just everything. Is our relationship perfect? No. But it's the type of relationship I can only hope our daughter will one day be lucky enough to have.

In the end, I found my ideal man. He wasn't my father or my high school history teacher or Johnny Depp (though he came close). My husband is my ideal man, and somehow, he wants to be with me. Which means I'm his ideal girl.

Branching out

So I've been toying with this idea for the past few months.

I think I'm going to branch out into non-fiction.

I have a bunch of ideas I can write about, including writing/building a readership, pregnancy, and maintaining a healthy relationship.

If there's anything you want me to write about or have any questions regarding, let me know in the comments.

I'm excited at the prospect but nervous as well. But I think this is what I'm supposed to do.

I'll let you know more when I have actual books for you!

Strategy session: Anthologies

As a self- published author, I have to do practically everything when it comes to marketing, selling, and ensuring my work generates some type of profit. (I'm lucky I have an amazing cover designer and different betas to help me so I don't get too crazy-overwhelmed.)

I've tested many different strategies but I'm scouring publishing books for more ideas because I want to try everything. You never know what will work for you, what won't, and in my mind, I really don't have much - if anything - to lose.

One such strategy is bundling related work together. It's an interesting theory and one I'm going to attempt with a couple of series, and something I was already planning on doing with the 3 series I have out now (well, technically 2, but the third will be released next month!)

I have an anthology of erotica coming out by tomorrow (which is why I don't have the link to share with you now). No, I'm not using a pen name (though that could change in the future) and no, it's not expensive. In fact, it will be released for $0.99.

A lot of my readers are young. A lot of my readers are adults. I'm not marketing my book the way I would with my other works, but it's out there and I definitely want to provide new readers with quality work and the opportunity to read my other novels that aren't erotica. I also want the readers who already follow me to know I bridge out in different genres and if you're interested, you're interested, if you're not, you're not.

So how am I supposed to bring in new readers? By making some of the stories included in the anthology free. If they like one story, they might be willing to shell out a whole $0.99 for 6 more stories.

It's a new strategy to market my books. I'm definitely nervous but I remind myself that I have nothing to lose. And I'll definitely let you know my results.

Stranger: Book 2

I just finished outlining Stranger: Book 2 (title reveal at the end of this little blog), and I feel so accomplished.

Now that the story that I've been kicking around in my head for the past 3 years (3 years!) is on paper, I feel lighter, relieved, and done. For now.

I still have to write the thing, but only after I finish writing Sacrifice.

However, just getting a general plot into a way more detailed, organized body is just the best. I feel mentally drained too, but maybe that's because I haven't been sleeping well the past couple of days (I am seriously so over this ridiculous heat - it's freaking September already!).

Regardless, I'm excited to start writing Sophie and Jane and Will and Depogare again. But I'm also excited for the little break I get right now to let the plot marinate and the details to develop.

I think you'll like Stranger: Book 2, or as I like to call it, Finder.

Just write

I've been writing a lot. By hand. It's how I've written all of The Dark Paradise books.

The craziest part is, usually I get a better feeling - as though creativity is surging through me, and by extension, my writing utensil - of the rush I get from writing with a pen. But for whatever reason, when I've been writing Sacrifice, the words come easier with a pencil.

I don't really question it. You can't question the little things you do for writing, to get past writing blocks, to make the words come faster and prettier and easier. You do what you have to do to write.

So, I guess that's my advice about writing. Don't think about it. Don't worry about it. Just write. Just get the words down. Even if it's forced. Even if the words don't sound right and it doesn't feel natural. Just write. Whether that's with a computer, with a phone (like with the first half of Catalyst) or with a pen or pencil. Just write.

I promise when you finish your word count goal for the day, you'll feel so satisfied. So complete. So accomplished. And honestly, it's one of the best feelings in the world.

Timing

Can I take the time to write as a stepmom/wife rather than a writer, for a moment?

My husband - like most men - deals with a lot if stress. He tends to keep things to himself because he doesn't want to stress me out, but I know.

All wives/girlfriends/partners know.

Sometimes, I find out things he should know as a parent that people don't tell him. Usually, they're things that will only add to the stress he already deals with. I tell him regardless because I respect him as a father and my husband, and I want to offer him the opportunity to make a decision about whatever it is he needed to know about.

But I can see it in his tense shoulders and hear it in his tired voice that I've added to his stress, and even though it was the right thing to do, I think sometimes my timing is off.

I just need to find the right timing and maybe I won't feel as guilty. I can still tell him the things he needs to know but maybe I can wait until after he gets home from a hard day of work, a hard day of helping his family move, and after getting some food in his super-hungry (and super-sexy) body.

It's all about timing. It's something I really need to work on. But I do try. I'm getting better.

Thank God my husband is patient, and doesn't mind putting up with me and my misguided if well-thought out intentions. Lord knows, he has a few things he needs to work on too. 

We balance each other out, and that seems to work for us.